Dreaming of Lara

During 1997 I first saw "Resident Evil", a Sony PlayStation game on their new console. Previous to this the only experience I had was of the old Atari Space Invaders from the early 1980's. I was startled by the sudden advance in both technology and graphics, and indeed in the actual game play. The person who was demonstrating the game to me kept saying how great it was, and how interactive it became, and this I could see quite clearly because behind every door a zombie lurked which caused them to jump out of their skins. He always said that it was advised to only game play for a short while, but did not elaborate on it.

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After watching him, and not once having the inclination to participate in shot-gunning the undead, I left and made my way home via the overland tube line. The moment I stepped out into the bright light of the afternoon I sensed an alteration in my perspective. Initially I thought it was the effects of the closeted space I had just left and its drawn curtains. Sitting on the station I suddenly realised that I was looking at the reality before me in a funny way. Both movements and colours had changed perceptibly to mimic the game play I had not long witnessed. At first I conceived a slight fright at this situation but reason made me realise that the brain had been reorganised by the projection on the screen and the circuitry that had been invented to help ferment the use of that kind of interactive experience. I was astonished that a televisual image could affect the brain like that, though I was well aware of the effects of flashing lights on epileptics. Was this momentary condition of "distorted reality" an indication as to the nature and structure of this world?

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Some time later I acquired a PlayStation computer console with a few games. One of these was "Tomb raider" which detailed the exploits of adventuress Lara Croft, a daring archaeologist, as she searched for some kind of treasure. Told from the 3rd person perspective this involved the player having to lead her through a series of levels that become increasingly more complex and dangerous.

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From the first level it became clear that one must be able to adapt to the controls and this was essential if one wished to eliminate any waste of time, for it was clear that the figure of Lara, in her three dimensional existence, was as fragile as ours in our own reality. The first level was more of a tutorial and involved mild forms of threat to the running girl from bats, to wolves to bears. Adding to these targets was the risk of poisonous darts and the 'fall' - the 'fall' was not a problem in this level but it was an indication that the computer character had default lines she was not able to cross.
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It became plain after the puzzle solving and need to learn the controls quickly that the figure of Lara was more of a puppet than a "game component". If one desired to kill her and leave her to die at the savagery of wolves one could do so but it was always with the knowledge that time was being wasted. Every moment spent being careful with her and her progress through the game could be dashed in an instant by some new calamity. The need to balance the game action with the blue save crystals scattered throughout the game became one of the most prioritized matters. With Level 2 the exposure to danger increased and it became clear that the eye/hand/brain co-ordinates involved in detaching oneself automatically from thinking about the real world was as important as if one was to become Lara.

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Her constant brushes with death and indeed numerous instances of finality began to make me feel as if there was something innate in the idea that one could express a mentality within the concept of a screen, thoroughly unreal, character. I knew from her appearance that Lara Croft had excited passions amongst teenage boys across the world and no doubt amongst grown men as well but this fixation never rose in my mind. Lara was merely a means to an end - the completion of the game and the victory over the separate. If I could use her to reach and achieve a state of computer nirvana by control and care in conquering all obstacles presented by the game planners than I would count it as a small victory. This converted eventually into a kind of subliminal concern for Lara, though it had no basis in the emotions but solely in the reasoning faculty, similar to that one has for a guard dog who dutifully keeps watch.

***

After wearily struggling to complete level 2 with help we spent an entire night with no sleep utterly addicted to making our way through the next level, which contained a search for keys and cogs and attacks by raptors and a Tyrannous Rex. The next morning we made our way through level 4, which was one surprise after another ending in a filmed sequence involving a suspect cowboy. We entered level 5 - St.Francis Folly - in good spirits and the first part of that level involved climbing up buildings and pillars and it became obvious that any slip would result in death. Then I was left on my own.

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There was nothing particularly striking about Francis Folly, and upon entry into its main frame one is give a save crystal. Looking over the ledge one can see it is a death drop and I, like I suspect most gamesters having become inured to Lara's mortality, walk her over the edge. The drop is long and truly (for that very first time) bone breaking. Game over. Reload. One then carefully finds their way around the top structure. The first indication of discomfort is a mild attack by bats. It is manifest that any needless sprints will end in death. Carelessness will end in death. Miscalculated jumps will end in death.

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St.Francis Folly is mainly a trunk with side rooms full of devastating surprises including killer apes, rolling balls, falling hammers/swords and death by incineration. The trunk is where the save crystals are located but it is not that simple. To collect the keys one is compelled to return upwards and downwards and it is not until one has acquired the skill and knowledge of this simple labyrinth that one can work out the best way to save and attempt the tests in the rooms.

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Death became normal for Lara, endlessly falling in a scream of despair that could only be equalled by the fate of those who take their own lives in the real world. The repetition and loss of hope at finishing this level began to absorb into my subconscious till I drifted into a most beset sleep that vibrated with the visual imagery of Tomb raider, and was always accompanied by auditory signature. Lara became a demonstration of the fallibility of man in his pursuit to achieve some kind of meaning against the tide of the inevitable. I knew I would finish the level but every death seem to etch a niche in my marrow till I began to loathe Lara Croft.

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It was the realisation that she was a permanence to the game in that she never truly died for she never truly existed. She had become an existence of my will in much the same way a footballer directing a ball places his will into the foot and connects with the ball hoping it reaches its target. Lara too had become for me a ball to kick. She was no more relevant than that but that was what the dilemma was. If Lara was nothing but a pencil with which to draw the picture why did each death send a shudder through my conscious. This detachment became apparent and I freed myself from the delusion that control was driven by the will. All it required was patience and a significant increase in agility as regards the handset.

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The computer and its contents was programmed and had a limited density and scope. If Lara took two steps forwards, one to the left, pushed the stone, climbed and handstand! ole! In practical terms it was evident that a child could be taught this form of learning quite easily and it only confirmed my grounded suspicions that driving and anything that followed a strict set of guidelines was capable of the vast majority of people. A recipe followed to the letter with the ingredients of the top quality will always produce the same meal. Why wouldn't it?

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So St.Francis Folly broke me but I fought back and endured and I no longer dream of Lara for she has returned to that search for the eternal truth that is hidden within the subtext of her game play scenarios.

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